The Times of My Life.... For Which I Should Be Awake

This morning I awoke at 4 a.m. to silence, which is not normal. Usually I'm waking to the sound of my phone alarm or the sounds of Peanut talking and laughing to herself in the morning. I looked at the clock and realized I had not only slept past the 2 a.m. blood sugar check, I had somehow turned off my loud alarm and, in my sleep, decided that it was better for me to sleep than check on the insulin dependent in the next room.

I was nervous because the 10:30 p.m. check read 140 which, for Bug, means she has to have a snack to get her through the night. The amount of snack to give does not come in a pretty little "right answer/wrong answer" bow. It's a total guessing game. So, we guessed. We went with two crackers and a few sips of milk and went to bed saying, "I guess we'll see how she is at 2"..... except, as you know, I was asleep at 2 a.m.

So, the 4 a.m. blood sugar check read 60. This is a moment when you want to say a curse word, if that's something that you do. I hate having to wake her, when it's almost morning, to give her a snack. Again, I was back to guessing. Because it was almost time to get up for the day, I didn't want to give her a lot because then I run the risk of her waking up with a blood sugar too high. When she wakes with a high blood sugar, we end up fighting it all day. That fight translates into more than just the numbers..... thirst, hunger, MOOD, potty times. With all that in mind I returned to her room with a juice box and a few 100 calorie pack brownies. She drank all of the juice, almost by accident because she literally inhaled it.... I was selfishly rubbing my eyes and thinking about how I was tired, then looked up and it was gone. Thinking back, it would have been better to go with half the juice box and a few brownies. But instead, she had all of the juice and about 6 of the tiny brownies.

Any guesses on the 7:30 a.m. blood sugar check.... 334! I'm pretty sure I said something like, "boogers!" or some sort of word that is appropriate to use around kids that still expresses exasperation. After some cheerios I gave her a bolus with a correction, (bolus is the amount of insulin we give with breakfast, lunch, and dinner.... determined by the number of carbs consumed and an equation that is plugged into the glucometer. a correction is the amount of insulin I am adding to the bolus in an attempt to bring her blood sugar down.)

It is now lunchtime and we are finally back down to the 200's, thanks to the large amount of rocks and sticks in the yard that needed collecting. Needless to say, I will be finding a new alarm "tone" on my phone... something really obnoxious and undeniable.

The Great Debate

Last night at 2 a.m. I was awake. I was standing at my little girl's bedside trying to decide if I should wake her up for a snack or let her sleep. Not really something most smart moms would do, but in our case it has become pretty normal.

We check blood sugar, on average, 6 times during the day and twice during the night. The night time blood sugar checks have become sort of dramatic. Standing there in the dark, wearing a little headlamp, we prick her finger or toe (whichever is most accessible) and check her sugar.... doing our best to not wake her up. And then we wait for those 3 tiny seconds while the glucometer reads her blood sugar. I have been known to jump up and down, give a high five, and even cry after reading that number. There's a neighborhood we want to stay in when it comes to her numbers. If we are higher than we need to be, we have to give her insulin. If the number is lower than we need to be, we have to wake her up and make her eat a snack. A friend of mine once said she "feels like she is water boarding with yogurt" when she has to give a snack at midnight. I don't know how many of you have ever tried to wake a toddler in the middle of the night and make them eat a snack.... but quite often it is done with closed eyes and a little bit of resistance.

Last night as I stood there debating the hostile wake up, I took into account the meal she ate for dinner, the snack she had before bed, and the level of activity she had in between. Her blood sugar was at the lower end of our "neighborhood" and I wanted it to just stay right there for the next 4 hours, but I couldn't be sure. So, as usual.... I guessed. I decided that, selfishly, I was tired and she looked so peaceful and sleepy that I couldn't bring myself to ask her to sit up and "have just a little sip of milk and a bite of a cookie". After a prayer and some time laying awake in bed, debating my decision, I went to sleep.... although, not without saying (out loud) "I'm trusting You, Lord.... make it work"

This morning she awakened with a blood sugar of 60 which is low, but not scary low. Just low enough to get to have apple juice with breakfast.... a little moment of normalcy strikes again.

Today we are off to visit the endocrinologist at our children's hospital. Which is terrifying to my little Bug. I told her that after the Dr. visit, we could paint her nails and have a cupcake. These visits are something like a review that most people get at work from a boss. The doctor comes in, looks at a print out of our numbers for the past 3 months, gives us an A1C number....(not important if you are not living the type 1 life), and then she looks up and tells me how we are doing. Three months of hard work, stress, drama, and literally blood, sweat, and tears..... wrapped up into one statement...."looks like you're doing a pretty good job" To me those words somehow give me the push I need to make it through the next 3 months. If only I could ask for a raise after a good review. Today, I'll settle for a manicure and a cupcake instead.

Have a great Thursday