Tuesday, September 25, 2012
How many hats can one person wear in a day?
I have been trying to stay afloat and keep up with the roles and commitments that continue to be added to my list. All of these things are good; most of them bring me joy.... (I could do with out breaking up fights between the two Princesses I spend my days with, and I could do without Diabetes completely) BUT through my busy days and wardrobe changes I can see that "it is good".
Lately I have had a difficult time finding a balance.
Like any other (good) parent I have gone in head first.
Ever since July 9, 2008; 6 days before Bug was born. I was sitting on the porch reading In Style when I realized, "I am clueless about babies!" Give me a pre schooler and I'm set, but a baby! A tiny, squirmy, pinkish, poopie baby?! I got up from my chair. I drove to Barnes and Noble. I bought 7 new books about babies, sleeping, eating, new mommy-ing, and sooooooo on. I have never studied so hard, and so continuously for any one thing in my life. Even, right now I'm reading 2 books at one time about parenting and I still get worked up at the doctor's office when one of them throws her body on the floor crying because she can't write on her medical records with permanent marker... in front of the pediatrician who is TAKING NOTES on my performance and efforts to regain control. Any guesses which of my lovelies that was?
When I became a parent a new chapter started. A very unpredictable, accessory filled chapter.
I keep my house clean, fridge stocked, and their little brains entertained and intrigued. I love them actively. I wear out the "I love you's", read them books, tuck them in, keep them clean, say our prayers, keep them full and keep them happy. They are kind and loving and well dressed and well mannered. They love Jesus; talking and hearing of Him OFTEN. I love my little people and they love me.
I'm teaching Bug pre K-4 at home. A classroom in my house. Full blown Circle Time, Sight Words, Math Table classroom. This phenomenon and commitment deserves it's own post. All I can say is... I have a new respect for homeschooling mothers. And I also should be prepping for tomorrow's lesson right now.....
I'm coaching Bug's soccer team. There are no small words to describe this. Find a 4 year old soccer game, go there and watch the coach. Another "own post" worthy topic.
On top of setting my sights on mother of the year; I am nurse Mom 24/7. I don't mean "runny noses, throw up, fever" kind of nurse. I mean, "pull your kid out of ballet class because you peek in the window and see her little lifeless grey face, desperate for a blood sugar check and some apple juice" kind of nurse.
Last night as my husband and I were going to bed I was recounting what a great day it had been: great weather, productive day, yummy dinner, family walk, etc....
My house of cards to be brought down by the blood sugar reading. Her sugar was low-ish; in need of a small snack, but not too big for fear of a 2 am high and inevitable bed wet/sheet change. My husband was thankful for the need for snack instead of a trip to the potty, but I bitterly said, "Well, I just want the numbers to be right!" I want to read a blood sugar of 130, and KNOW that it's going to stick around for 12 hours. But that doesn't happen.... yet. (I'm told this amazing thing happens as she gets older)
Needless to say, my nurse's hat is rumpled and smudged. I work hard in my parenting hats, but it seems that I keep needing to put the nurse's hat over all the others. Shouldn't it be the other way around?
It's like I have coach and teacher headbands, a parenting bandana, and then this big nurse's hat over all of it. It's not a regular nurse's hat, it's one of those hats you buy to stay warm, with the furry insides and the flaps that cover your ears. And the outside of it is water resistant and bright red so it will never wear out or go unnoticed. Not to mention how can a girl manage a good hair day under all the sweat and pressure from the over accessorizing?
The most annoying part: my frustration and diabetes centered angst gets in the way of my love and patience. It sucks up the energy; my energy. It shows up in anger; overreacting to spilled drinks or hair pulling. I guess I can say I've gotten very good in the department of asking my kids for forgiveness.
I'm thankful she is still clueless about the fact that kids eat donuts for breakfast on the weekends, and eat cupcakes on days other than birthdays, and that people actually eat gum balls; we just get them from the jar and throw them in the parking lot, run and smash them. I'm thankful her sister knows no different.
I know there are other parents struggling with the fine line between love and good healthcare at home. I know that my vigilance in Bug's healthcare IS love. I know that I'm a good parent; I'm happy and I'm exhausted.... aren't those two of the good parenting symptoms?
I am still studying and making frantic trips to the bookstore... although now I go to Amazon, which is highly beneficial for the inevitable 3 am panic attack. When in doubt: first pray and consult your Bible... then go to Amazon.com.
My hats will change and my roles will evolve, but I will always do my best and love wholeheartedly.