Monday, August 5, 2013
"Excitement and Adventure!"
Summer is almost over and I feel like I'm finally waking up to notice it even arrived!
Our summer has been very busy! To save myself from days of "fill you in" posts.... a list.
-We moved from North Carolina and into my in-laws lovely home. Returning to the second floor "apartment" we inhabited after selling our house and before moving east.
-We vacationed with my family
-We have all had our maintenance done.... dentist appointments, check ups, hair cuts, manicures.
-We went to the lake
-Bug had her FIFTH birthday!!!
-Peanut decided to potty train herself!!!
-We have scoured the neighborhood for the perfect home.... still yet to be discovered.
-I spent two months in a first trimester fog.... and now have spent two weeks in the post miscarriage fog.
-Bug has taught herself how to play 5 songs on the piano; and is practicing NON STOP.
-My husband started his new job and we are all enjoying his "home before dinner" hours.
-And now we are preparing to send Bug to Kindergarten in her adorable plaid uniform jumper; excitement is at an (almost) all time high.
Summer is my favorite time of year. I actually love the smack you in the face 100 degree temperatures that come with Summer and the sticky skin and sweaty necks. I love the colors at the dinner table with fresh vegetables and fruits. The grill and the pool. The beach and the car trips. The freckles and pink cheeks and bathing suits hanging on every door knob. The lazy mornings and long sunsets. I could live in summer forever.
However, this year I'm excited for a new season. The fun things that came with Summer 2013 have been completely overshadowed. June and July feel like a strange dream. A dream where I took a bunch of pictures. A dream I wrote about in my planner. A dream involving packing and airplane trips and car trips. A dream with pregnancy tests and champagne toasts in praise and excitement; a long awaited blessing. And a dream ending with a very dramatic doctor visit, tears and sleep, phone calls, and a major loss of appetite. A dear friend of mine told me, days after it all started to end, "People always try to say 'this too shall pass' but I hate that. Right now you're in it and it's awful." It was so validating to feel right and normal in my funk and sadness; one strangely bright spot that stands out above the fog.
This has not, by any means, been my most difficult hurdle. I'm surrounded by people who have been there, felt that and I will be forever grateful. My husband has walked and learned, and done his best to feel everything right along with me. My friends and family have listened and been patient with my emotions and energy level. And all the while I have been greeted daily by two giant smiles and tiny arms that squeeze my neck and bring me back to my normal.
My expectations for my return home were set too high. I was ready to move into MY house, pregnant with MY third child, and continue to build MY life. All of MY plans have been taken out from under me and I'm reminded that this life is not MY own. I am, again, giving up control of my plans and awaiting the revelation of a bigger and better one. It's not easy... it sometimes feels impossible, but overall, I feel redirected and re purposed and renewed.
My husband and I like to sarcastically say "excitement and adventure!" in reference to things that seem the opposite; cleaning up dog throw up, screaming children on the airplane, you get the idea. This summer has definitely been one of "excitement and adventure!", but I have every confidence that the Lord will bring about a true Adventure. I won't be able to plan for it, but I will be prepared for it and I will welcome it with tiny open arms, a big smile, and an excitement to discover a "normal".