Monday, July 25, 2011

Tween Bug

So, this post is directed toward the tweenager that I don't yet have. I have been warned by so many parents of middle school aged kids with type 1 that all of a sudden the diagnosis becomes a huge issue. I have watched mothers cry, yell, make that awful frustrated noise that so many of us (including my 3 year old) have mastered.... "ughhhhhggggggggg........!" It's my go-to expression for all things annoying.

Back to the inevitable "tween"..... I remember how awful middle school was: my hair was huge, my personality was shy and unsure, my braces were constant, and my limbs were gangly and unpredictable. I was 13, but I was without a chronic illness so all that I am about to say is strictly from a mother's perspective; knowing nothing about what it will be like to deal with something too heavy and too early.

I am so worried that tween Bug will all of a sudden veer off the path of stable blood sugars because of the following reasons:
-its annoying
-its not cool
-its too time consuming
-my pump looks dumb with all my clothes
-I was hanging out with my friends and I forgot to check my sugar
-I was hanging out with my friends and I forgot to give myself insulin
and the one I am dreading the most....
-it's not fair

I know it's coming because I have already worried about all of those things. One of the first things I cried about after she was diagnosed was "what will she do with her pump at prom?!" or "what will she do on her wedding day?!" My husband laughed. What will I say to her when this discussion comes up? I know she will be highly dramatic, unreasonable and emotional. If you have had experiences with high-blood-sugar Bug, you know what I mean. (*the other day she was crying real tears and then proceeded to tell me that she was fake crying because she wanted to watch TV and I wouldn't let her*)

All that to say I know I will not be able to deliver the speech I have so carefully planned out. I know she will want to yell at me, and be angry, and cry. And I will let her. But I will want to say: "no, you HAVE to take care of yourself because I got you this far. I have gotten you to age 13 with a great A1C and a chance at a 100th birthday. I've almost literally bent over backwards to ensure that your eye sight will still be 20/20 at age 30 and your kidneys will still be a well oiled machine. I have cried in anger, frustration, heart ache, and fear while watching you sleep. I have also cried in joy, success, peace, and hope while watching you play. I have gray hair and extra wrinkles. I am friends with your pharmacist and the nurses on the endocrine "hot line". I was one of the people that saved your life every day. I don't want to do this any more than you do, but this is the cup we've been given. So, lets deal and make lemonade or something chocolate or whatever the sayings are."

I know every mother is looking out for and stressed about their kid's future, and middle school years so I can't count myself any differently than the rest. Who knows, maybe it will all go smoothly and we can talk about how she is not allowed to call boys and she needs to finish her homework before golf with Dad. Either way, there will be no shortage of drama so I had best be prepared for any and everything.

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